Matching and showering - the baby kind

Birthmoms are shown parent profiles (like the one we are almost finished creating!) starting in their third trimester - so they are roughly three months or less to their due date when they choose a couple. Actually, a birthmom chooses three couples - a 1st, 2nd, and 3rd choice. We get a call (described in detail below), 24 hours to decide, and the option to pass.

Now - for the fine print ...

Last week I sent a very detailed email to our case worker (at the adoption firm) to find out exactly (as much as possible) what it will be like when we get "the phone call". I'll share. Here's what she said:

The case worker will verbally explain the birth mother’s specific situation: who is she, where she lives, when she is due, the sex of the baby if known, why is she placing, has she had/not had prenatal, the birth father situation, any potential red flags, any potential positive signs, is she currently parenting children, etc. Of course there will always be very specific information per each case. At that point, the case worker will email you all of the information we have gathered on the birth mother in a PDF format, plus her background check(s), medical records if we have received them, copy of her ultrasound if we have received that, a copy of her photo ID and/or picture of her, and a memorandum of her estimated pregnancy-related living expenses from that point through the remainder of her pregnancy and 6 or 8 weeks after delivery. Again, based on her specific situation there may additional documents that you will receive.

The PDF form to which she refers is a ten-page document that the birth mother fills out. It details everything from hobbies and grades as a child to the texture of her hair to all the relatives and beyond. Super detailed.

We then have 24 hours to consider this information and decide if we'd like to proceed with a phone conversation with the birth mom. After that conversation, each of us (prospective parents + birth mom) must call their case workers and indicate that we'd like to move forward - or not.

I was imagining that within a week we would either drive or fly to meet the birth parents - but one of the things our case worker said was that sometimes a meeting doesn't take place for six weeks - or even until the delivery room!!! Ummm.... no. I want to meet her sooner. Because people can be completely different on the phone than in person. I know. I was on match.com.

Even if we feel completely comfortable and confident in the birthmom, and we think she feels the same way about us - there's always a tiny chance she could decide to parent. Given that risk - even though it's small - I don't think we'll have any showers. I feel like it will jinx it. If I had one now - that would be okay - because it's for A baby not THE baby. We haven't been matched, there's no particular child, no one birthmom, so I don't feel like anything I buy/receive now carries negative attachment (the same way I feel like all the books and clothes we have already are perfectly fine). In an early post I mentioned having a Sip and See - like a welcome home party - after the baby is here - and that could be treated like a shower sort of event.

Here's a link I found about what some people do http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1366