Did your blood pressure just go up? Some of you have asked me if we'll have an open adoption - and the answer is yes - because now we know what that really means. When I first started looking into adoption and heard of open vs. closed, I thought I would want the option that provides the most privacy - and I thought the only way to do that was through a closed adoption.
The minimum requirement for an adoption to be considered "open" is that we see the birth mother and she sees us. Not even necessarily a formal meeting, though that will likely take place. "Closed" would mean that the baby is taken from her by an attorney or social worker and then brought to us. We'd never see her, know the sound of her voice, be able to say thank you - or find out anything (medical or otherwise) about her or the birth father.
E and I will probably have an arrangement where we send the birth mom pictures and letters electronically or through our lawyer if she wants to receive them - and we hope she'll be willing to stay in touch - but she won't know the city where we live, or our last name. (The certificate issued at birth will have the birth mother's and birth father's names on it. The child will have the first and middle names we give him/her + the last name of the birth mother. This is only on paper. See below.)
Another huge concern for me was the birth mother changing her mind after we have the baby at home. I thought she had six months to change her mind - that's total fiction. There are certain states where adoption is more favorable for the adoptive parents - and California has the most favorable laws (at this moment) for private adoption. When the birth mother is discharged from the hospital, she signs a paper relinquishing her parental rights. That becomes irrevocable within 24 hours. An agency adoption in California requires a slightly longer period of time to pass because of the paper trail involved - up to three weeks. (Ours will be the 24 hour kind.) Where the "six month" time period comes in is in the finalization of the adoption. During the first six months, we will be visited by a social worker two times to make sure we're adjusting to parenthood, and that the child is doing well (eating, sleeping, going to drs appts, etc.). Then, when the baby is six months old we apply for a court date - and we officially become the parents on paper. A new birth certificate is issued with our names as parents and the other one is sealed forever. The lawyer we spoke to on Saturday compared it to a wedding. It's a closed court, but we can have any family or friends we'd like there with us.
Please send me more questions and concerns or "I wonder if she's thought of...."
We love hearing from you.
PS There is a 3% chance of twins. Dare to dream!
Hi Emily -- Well, I am now up to date with your blog and feel so excited about the progress you have made as well as the happiness I "hear" in your writings. I think of the waiting period as being a gestation period for you and Eric as well. You continue to be in my prayers, and I do hope that your hope for the adoption to come to reality in the very near future. BTW, twins would be fabulous! Lots of love, Alice
ReplyDelete